What's the craziest thing you've heard about your disease? That's easy: "I'm afraid if I sleep with you, I'll catch your migraines." Yes! The award goes to my ex-husband in the second year of our marriage. It didn't last much longer than that.
When I heard it, I literally had to repeat it back to him. "Let me get this straight..." (If I start a sentence like that, it's over.) "You're afraid that if you sleep" (I made a gesture to my pelvis) "with me" (once more for emphasis) "you're going to catch my migraines??" (Hands on my head so even a child could understand...) And he, with all the innocent earnestness he could muster, said:
Yes.
As if he's just admitted to shooting my dog in a hunting accident.
I was so shocked it was just a beat, but the silence between that and what happened next was also like an eternity. He actually wanted me to believe that. Regardless of whether or not he believed it (which I found highly unlikely), he wanted me to believe it! otherwise he wouldn't have said it. In that pause, all his hopes were riding on me believing that.
I burst out laughing.
He was clearly crushed, and hung his head.
I laughed even harder.
Between breaths, I was saying it again. "If you sleep" *laughter* *gasp* "with me" *laughter**gasp* "catch my migraines??" Ahahahahaha! "You're kidding me right?" *laughgasp* "It doesn't reach that far!!!" Ahahahahahaha!
He rolled over. I left the room.
That was his reason for not sleeping with me for almost a year.
The following month, I filed for divorce.
When I heard it, I literally had to repeat it back to him. "Let me get this straight..." (If I start a sentence like that, it's over.) "You're afraid that if you sleep" (I made a gesture to my pelvis) "with me" (once more for emphasis) "you're going to catch my migraines??" (Hands on my head so even a child could understand...) And he, with all the innocent earnestness he could muster, said:
Yes.
As if he's just admitted to shooting my dog in a hunting accident.
I was so shocked it was just a beat, but the silence between that and what happened next was also like an eternity. He actually wanted me to believe that. Regardless of whether or not he believed it (which I found highly unlikely), he wanted me to believe it! otherwise he wouldn't have said it. In that pause, all his hopes were riding on me believing that.
I burst out laughing.
He was clearly crushed, and hung his head.
I laughed even harder.
Between breaths, I was saying it again. "If you sleep" *laughter* *gasp* "with me" *laughter**gasp* "catch my migraines??" Ahahahahaha! "You're kidding me right?" *laughgasp* "It doesn't reach that far!!!" Ahahahahahaha!
He rolled over. I left the room.
That was his reason for not sleeping with me for almost a year.
The following month, I filed for divorce.
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